Ever noticed this double standard?…
If something is undeniably, inarguably, unequivocally good for us, we categorize that as a good habit.
But if something is only a teeny tiny bit bad for us, we call that a bad habit….
Seems like a high standard to meet for daily behaviors, yeah?
…(YEAH!)
It’s time we recategorize habits! We are wasting a lot of energy feeling shame around “bad habits” that could actually be more accurately described as neutral.
There’s a difference between a flaw and an imperfection.
I'm not saying bad habits don't exist. I'm saying that if “good” habits are reserved for the undeniably good, then “bad habits” should be reserved for the undeniably bad—things that actively cause us or others harm.
Everything else kind of lives on a spectrum, and many of them can be neutral. They don’t make us more “perfect,” but they're also not harming anyone ot ruining our lives.
I know I talk a lot about how tiny things accumulate; of course that’s true for tiny “bad” habits.
But you know what else accumulates and causes harm…shame!
And in many of these “neutral dressed up as ‘bad’ habits”…I think the shame over the habit might be doing more harm than the habit itself!
My example is….hitting snooze. Most of us would categorize that as a bad habit. Is it actually?
I’ve never not hit snooze in my 35 years on earth. And I spent much of that time feeling guilty and lazy for hitting snooze…. but WHY?
Probably because at some point I was told that “hard-working people don’t hit snooze”…and I internalized that.
Would my life be better if I immediately rose with my alarm? Yeah, probably.
Is snoozing ruining my life? No!!! I still get where I need to be.
If it was making it impossible for me to hold down a job, that would then we can go ahead and call it a bad habit.
I’ve tried to change it…but it simply isn’t worth the cost for me.
Habit and behavior change take a lot of time, intention, and repetition.
There are improvements I want to make……and this one is not going to have the biggest impact.
So I’m going to focus my habit-building energy on the stuff that will make a bigger difference.
In fact, my life has gotten better once I accepted that I am a snoozer, and that's okay.
So, my challenge for you is:
Next time you feel yourself experiencing shame around a habit that you have, ask yourself:
“What harm is this habit really causing?
“Which is worse: the effect of the habit or the shame I carry around it?”
“Is it worth the effort to change it?”
“Is this a flaw that goes against my values…or just an imperfection?”
“What does it look like to forgive yourself and call it ‘neutral’?”
Happy habit building!